September Jokes of the
Week |
Week 1
A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of
sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to
painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit.
Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your
thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon."
Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a
bench. The four-year-old considered her gravely for a minute,
then spoke to her saying,
"Uh-oh ... I know what you've been doing."
Week 2
The top
six reasons computers must be female
6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to
everyone else.
2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If
you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:
As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck
on accessories for it.
Week 3
Is Sex
Work or Play
A man wondered if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin.
The reason is because he is not sure if sex is work or play.
So he goes to a priest. He asks for the priest's opinion.
After consulting the Bible, the priest says,
"My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work
and is therefore not permitted on the Sabbath."
The man thinks, "What does a priest know about sex?"
So, he decides to ask a minister.
The minister gives the same reply as the priest had given him.
Sex is work, and therefore not permitted on the Sabbath.
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,
"My son, sex is definitely play."
The man asks, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure
when so many others are convinced that sex is work?"
The Rabbi replies, "If sex were work,
my wife would have the maid do it."
Week 4
I am
So Hot
Wife: Oh, come on.
Husband: Leave me alone!
Wife: It won't take long.
Husband: I won't be able to sleep afterwards.
Wife: I can't sleep without it.
Husband: Why do you think of things like this in the middle of the night?
Wife: Because I'm Hot.
Husband: You get hot at the darkness times.
Wife: If you love me I wouldn't have to beg you.
Husband: If you love me you'd be more considerate.
Wife: You don't love me anymore.
Husband: Yes I do, but let's forget it for tonight.
Wife: (Sob-Sob)
Husband: Alright, I'll do it.
Wife: What's the matter? Need a flashlight?
Husband: I can't find it.
Wife: Oh, for heaven's sake, feel for it!
Husband: There! Are you satisfied?
Wife: Oh, yes, honey.
Husband: Is it up far enough?
Wife: Oh, that's fine.
Husband: Now go to bed and from now on when
you want the window open,do it yourself. |
