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July Jokes of the Week

Week 1

Contractors' Jokes - Typical of Sabah's Contractors?

Three contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Sabah, another from Sarawak, and the third from Brunei.

At the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.

First to step up was the Brunei contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Next was the Sarawak contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."

Without so much as moving, the Sabah contractor said, "$2,700."

The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you and we hire the guy from Sarawak."

Contributed By: Mohd. Kasiram (Kota Kinabalu, Sabah)

Week 2

It was a bitterly contested divorce hearing, and after three weeks of bitter acrimony, the judge was ready to hand down his decision.

The judge said, "Mr. Lee, after hearing both sides of the case, we find that you are at fault, and therefore the court will give your wife alimony at six hundred ringgit a month."

Lee replied, "Thanks, your Honour. And to show I'm not such a bad guy, I'll throw in a hundred myself."

Contributed By: Jamie D. (Kuching, Sarawak)

Week 3

For Michael's birthday, his wife wanted to surprise him when he came home from work. After some careful consideration she decided to strip naked and wrap herself in saran wrap from her shoulders to her ankles.

Pretty soon Michael enters his house exhausted from a tough day at work. He walks through the kitchen, places his lunchbox down, and hears his wife say, "Honey! I'm in the living room."

Rounding the corner, he spots her all wrapped up in plastic. After a quick peek, he immediately he says, "Leftovers again!"

Contributed By: T. C. Lo (Tawau, Sabah)

Week 4

An engineer, a manager and a computer programmer were driving down a steep hill when their brakes sudenly failed. They managed to avoid a serious accident by steering into a grassy bank, and immediately discussed how to fix it. "We need to organise a committee," suggested the manager. "That way, through a process of continuous improvement, we can develop a solution."

"That will take too long," pointed out the engineer. "Let's take apart the brake system, identify the problem and correct it."

You're both wrong!" interjected the programmer. "We should push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."

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