Week 1
The
Volunteer Fire Department
A fire started on some
grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to
put the fire out.
The fire proved to be more than
the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer
fire department be called.
The volunteer fire department
arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped
right in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and
frantically started spraying water in all directions...
Soon they had snuffed out the
center of the fire, dividing the flames into two easily controllable parts.
Now the farmer was so impressed
with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm and crops had been
spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the
volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That should be
obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed
on that stupid fire truck."
Week 2
An old country doctor went way
out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When
the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old
child.
The doctor instructed the child
to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The
child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn
baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The
doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby.
"Hit him again," the
5-year-old said. "He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"
Week 3
A small tourist hotel was all
abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was just
23 years old. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night
might kill him since his young bride was a healthy, vivacious woman.
But lo and behold, the next
morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the
banister for dear life.
She finally managed to get to
the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned,
"Whatever happened to you, dear? You look like you've been wrestling an
alligator!"
The bride groaned, hung on to
the counter and managed to speak, "Geez, he told me he'd been saving up for 75 years,
and I thought he meant his money!"
Week 4
Speed
Trap
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at
the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed
detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the
citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked,
"Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of
other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?"
"Ever go fishing?"
the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the
startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added,
"Ever catch *all* the fish?"
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