February Jokes of the
Week |
Week 1
A little girl says,
"Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
"Why sure you can,"
her grandfather replied.
As she is sitting on grand
dad's lap she says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
"A sound like a frog?
Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog."
The girl says, "Grandpa,
will you please please MAKE a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her grand dad says,
"Sweet heart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?"
And the little girl says,
"'Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to Kuala Lumpur!"
Week 2
Two gas company servicemen, a
senior training supervisor, and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban
neighborhood.
They parked their truck at the
end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman watched
the two men from her kitchen window as they checked her gas meter.
When they had finished the
meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race back to
the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. The co-worker accepted
the challenge.
As they approached the truck in
full stride, the two men realized that the lady from the kitchen window was huffing and
puffing right behind them. They stopped in their tracks and asked the woman why she was
running behind them.
Gasping for breath, she
replied, "I'm not stupid... when I see two gas men running that fast, I figure I'd
better run too!"
Week 3
A young man was very excited
because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his
seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better
seat, he found an empty one right next to the field. He approached the man sitting next to
the empty seat and asked if it was taken. The man replied, "No." Amazed the
young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?" The older
gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together
since the day we were married but she has passed away." "Oh, how sad," the
man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come
with you?" "No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."
Week 4
Some of the ways having a
second and third child differs from having your first..........
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your
OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name:
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing
and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your
great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where
your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that
last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate
them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you
call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to
leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if
she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the
baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your
older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the
children.
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