January Jokes of the
Week |
Week 1
A woman takes her 16-year-old
daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my
daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick
most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good
examination, then turns to the mother and says, "Well, I don't know how to tell you
this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says,
"Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you,
Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother!
I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the
window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
"Is there something wrong
out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No,
not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in
the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it
this time!"
Week 2
Top 10 MOST BRILLIANT MARKETING BLUNDERS:
1. Coors put its slogan,
"Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from
diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum
manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks
like an Electrolux."
3. Clairol introduced the
"Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that
"mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people there wanted a "manure
stick."
4. When Gerber started selling
baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the U.S., with the beautiful
Caucasian baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put
pictures on the label of what's inside, since so many people there can't read.
5. Colgate introduced a
toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
6. An American T-shirt maker in
Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of
"I saw the Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I saw the potato" (la
papa).
7. Pepsi's "Come alive
with the Pepsi Generation" translated into "Pepsi brings your ancestors back
from the grave" in Chinese.
8. Frank Perdue's chicken
slogan, "it takes a strong man to make a tender chicken" was translated into
Spanish as "it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate."
9. The Coca-Cola name in China
was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la", meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or
"female horse stuffed with wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched
40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "ko-kou-ko-le", translating into
"happiness in the mouth."
10. When Parker Pen marketed a
ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, "it won't leak in your
pocket and embarrass you." Instead, the company thought that the word
"embarazar" (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: "It won't
leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
Week 3
Eleven people were clinging
precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount
Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group, they decided that
one of the party should let go. Otherwise, the rope would break and everyone would perish.
For an agonizing few moments no
one volunteered.
Finally, the brunette gave a
truly touching speech, saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The ten blondes applauded.
Week 4
One Sunday morning, the pastor
noticed little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, looking at a large plaque that
hung there. After the young man of seven had stood there for some time, the pastor walked
up beside him and said quietly, "Good morning, son."
"Good morning,
Pastor," replied the youngster, not taking his eyes off the plaque. "Can I ask
you, Sir, why are all these names listed on here?"
"Well, son, these are all
the people who have died in the service," replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood
together, staring up at the large plaque.
Little Johnny's voice barely
broke the silence when he asked quietly, "Which one, Sir, the 8:30 or the
10:30?" |
